The Act of
Forgiveness
 |
| My sister, mother and me at age 16 |
The other Sunday
when my regular plans got cancelled I sat and watched reruns of Oprah’s Master
Class on her network, OWN. There were master
gurus on these shows included Deepak Chopra and Tony Robbins. But one spiritual guru, Iyanla Vanzant really
resonated with me and her subject matter of forgiveness.
She stated that the
word “PAIN” can be interpreted as: Pay Attention Inwards Now. She presented an exercise to forgive not only
those that hurt you in past but how to forgive yourself and what that truly
means. She reiterated her own advice, “"You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other
people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.
You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work,
with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain
your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands
inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the
memories, and make peace with them."
It was a most insightful afternoon and when I
started to think about this subject, I went back to my own blog archives (from
an old blog) and found an article I posted several years ago on
forgiveness. One of the people I forgave
this weekend (again) is my mother, who caused me lots of grief growing up. Re-reading the article gave me pause and let
me reflect on my more recent act of forgiveness as well past acts of
forgiveness.
We are human; we
often act irrationally, bitterly and angrily towards ourselves and others. But learning to forgive is one of the first
steps in breaking free from barriers and boundaries that we put for ourselves
and others.
Here is the previous
post from almost five years ago but still relevant today:
Hello! I have been
learning the act of forgiveness and it is and has been a powerful lesson for
me. I was reminded of this when I was watching the daytime program
"Starting Over" which is about several women who are sharing a home
and getting past issues in their lives with the help of two life coaches and a
psychologist.
Today's program dealt with mothers -- specifically their mothers and how their
mother have influenced their lives--and I'm sorry to say that most of these
women were still at the stage of blaming their mothers for their lives.
For me this was powerful, for it wasn't too long ago that I too blamed my
mother for my current circumstances. One of the life coaches asked all to close
their eyes and to finish the sentence: "When I was a little girl I wish my
mother would have....".
The common answers were "...love me.",
"...value me.", etc. Basically how they felt about what had been done
to them by their mothers.
I answered, "....I wish my mother would have been happier."
For me, that was a great realization, for it was the first time I realized that
I had forgiven my mother for the things that she did during my lifetime that
caused me pain. She wasn't perfect, but she did love me. And she cared about me
and listened to me and taught me much. I never appreciated it the time, but I
have come a long way and have forgiven her for...being human. She did the best
she could with what she knew how to do, often under difficult circumstances.
For that I applaud her and love her. And forgive her.
My mother passed on several years ago, on the 21st of January. I felt her
presence the other night and thanked her. I now realize that I have forgiven
her and in doing so have forgiven myself.
Remember that your parents are only human-- remember to love them. When the
time is right, you can learn to forgive both them...and yourself. And in doing
so, this will bring light and love into your heart and soul.
With Love and Light Always,
(Pictured: From left to right, my sister, my mother and me at age 16)
